Shhhhh…

23 May
Shhhhhhhh - Read Judy's guest blog spot.

Judy (on right), being her vibrant self…but is there more??

Sexy.  Vibrant.  Beautiful.

I’m lucky to squeeze out one attribute of the bunch.  But I own that one, whole-heartedly.

I didn’t realize when I agreed to guest blog for my dear friend Connie that this assignment would cause so much soul searching and introspection.  But isn’t that the best kind of favor:  The one that originates as a good deed for another and ends up being every bit a gift to yourself?

I SO wanted to share something 100% positive in the worst way possible, but I’m finding that this kind of sharing comes as it comes.  It’s impossible to “fake it,” and I’m certain that Connie would want no part of something inauthentic.  There is no place for insincerity at SeviBeau.

I am completely on-board with a self-assessment of “vibrant.”  I’m killin’ “vibrant.”  I wrote the book on “vibrant,” if I do say so myself.  And I DIG that about me!  A friend once described me as a person who would try anything once.  I think it was a simple observation, but I received his words as a supreme compliment.  When I’m at my vibrant best, every stranger is a friend just waiting to be met; every “good time” is ripe for the pickin’; and every chance to laugh – and laugh heartily – is seized.  I enjoy joy, if that makes any sense.  And I’d say I operate in this “hyper-vibrant” mode more often than not, which is good for me and loud for everyone else.  And I’m cool with that.

But I struggle with “sexy” and “beautiful,” and not out of false modesty.  While pondering my own “beauty within,” I’ve come to realize that I do not have any ownership over these two traits.  They are entirely external to me.  That’s not to say I’ve never felt either way about myself before but, through this self-examination, I realize both states are completely dependent upon the feelings, opinions, and gestures of others.  “Beauty without,” if you will.  Pun intended.

The writer in me acknowledges the need for a paragraph regarding the meaning of this realization, but it is without epiphany.  Really, what DOES it mean that I am unable to perceive myself as beautiful or sexy in the absence of external assignment?  Am I alone here, or is this a more commonly held self-belief among women than we care to acknowledge?  Is it derivative of poor self-esteem?  I’m thinking not, as I have no problem proclaiming my vibrance.  Is it a fear of being perceived as vain?  I’m having difficulty accepting that possibility, as no woman is made to wear a scarlet “S” or “B” for recognizing herself as sexy or beautiful.  In fact, we’re “allowed” to feel this way about ourselves and no one ever needs to know.  Shhhhhhh.

So, I’ve come away from this experience with a self-diagnosis of “Se-Beau Intolerance” and more questions than answers, but maybe this will be a conversation starter.  Perhaps someone reading this has it all figured out.  If so, I beg of you to share the solution with the sisterhood!  It’s the only right and decent thing to do for womankind.  Until then, my vibrant self patiently awaits a cure.

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3 Responses to “Shhhhh…”

  1. Linda O May 24, 2013 at 12:55 pm #

    Sexy, vibrant, beautiful. Three things that come and go in many ways. First, do we think of ourselves that way? And, second, do we think others think of us that way? I have often felt that others thought me sexy…especially in my younger days…but I never thought others thought me beautiful. Yet, I believe that “vibrant” is something that comes and goes with my mood. I can be vibrant, but it does take a lot of energy, so I probably don’t “be vibrant” all that often because it wears me out! Now, what about the beautiful? Well, it is said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder…and I have finally (at the ripe old age of almost Medicare time) embraced myself as beautiful. Part of my morning affirmations include “I am wise; I am beautiful; I am filled with the spirit of God.” I say that to myself at least once a day and I have come to believe it. I don’t care if I’m having a good day or bad; if my skin is blotchy or perfect, if my hair is behaving or not…I feel beautiful always because I know that it is something that I can choose to be and I do.

    So, to those of you who are still gaining wisdom and learning how to embrace yourself, decide what you want to be. If you decide that you are beautiful, you are. No one can take that from you. No one can make you less than that. And, that’s a lovely feeling to have. So, dear Judy, you are indeed beautiful. You can add that to your vibrancy…I attest to it. Let it out. You just have to set it free for it to be.

    Love & hugs to Judy, Connie, and all SeviBeau-ers!

    • Judy June 2, 2013 at 11:36 pm #

      Thanks for your kind estimation and wisdom, MomLO. I’ve decided that you and Billy Shakespeare are on to something: “…for there is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.”

      Three cheers for the power of positive thinking, y’all!

  2. sevibeau May 23, 2013 at 11:06 am #

    I thank Judy Mundell Green for sharing her thoughts and allowing herself to be vulnerable.

    I struggle with many of these same issues; like, just why don’t I allow myself to feel sexy or beautiful JUST BECAUSE. Why do I feel the need to be assigned those attributes by others in order to “own” them. My struggle with accepting my own outward sexy, beautiful and vibrant self, is the purpose of this blog. I know I am not alone in this hunt and I hope that other women’s stories and opinions might start to shed some light on this dilemma. I know that there is hope. I feel so close… I know any day the big light bulb will go off and I will “get it.” I know these things are in me… and maybe, like Judy mentions, I first need to allow to feel sexy and beautiful without anyone knowing about it. If I can be ok being these things without feeling vain or narcissistic, then I can start being ok with allowing the rest of the world to see. For now I think I will continue to hide behind my inner beauty, because that is “ok” to be. But honestly I want to be BOTH!

    What are your thoughts?

Would love to hear your toughts. :)

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